i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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