I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
