Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Can you bring me the toilet please
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Randomize
