She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
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