too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
