you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
