ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
