i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
