I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
