And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
