Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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