Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
