party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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