Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
