I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
