Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
