sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
