omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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