come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Less talking, more tequila
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
