For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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