Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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