She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
