She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
