I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
