I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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