I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
