god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
You're a womanizer and a bitch.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
