his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Randomize
