don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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