hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
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