Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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