keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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