i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
