You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Randomize
