I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
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