My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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