why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Randomize
