I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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