did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
