Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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