if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
