PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
