she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I still have a little drunk in my system
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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