my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Randomize
