Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
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