I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
