Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
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