Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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