...so i touched it.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
