now i know why i became what i already was.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
