I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
