Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
