Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
