Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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