did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
