Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
